Why this difficulty?

Because He loves you. He has in mind to strip you of depending on yourself in ways you didn't even know you were depending on yourself, to humble you and create something beautiful.

Entry #23 - Persistence + Patience = Perseverance

  The persistent widow (Luke 18) did not give up until she was given justice. Jesus likens this parable to our prayer life, encouraging us to be persistent in prayer. God always answers our prayers. Sometimes the answer is "yes," sometimes it's "no," sometimes it's "wait." But He always answers.

  James 5:7 - "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." I love the comparison of our life being compared to a farmer and his crop. Just as there are seasons in the weather that produce life, we go through seasons as well, and those seasons are necessary for growth. We need the rains as well as the sunshine. And the farmer is patient because he knows his crop is valuable. Anything that is of value is going to take work, effort, and patience.


  I think I have been persevering (or trying to), without keeping the persisting + patience part into perspective. Persevering is work. I am tired emotionally and spiritually in my efforts to just "persevere." Having patience can be restful. Persisting is simply not giving up. Together, they equal perseverance. Galatians 6:9 - "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I don't want to take the easy route that teaches me nothing and produces nothing of value. I want to persevere in patience, and persistence.   

Entry #22 - Chasing Glory

It is my conviction that the answer to a lot of confusion in the American church (as I can speak little about the church in France having never been there) is a renewed passion for and vision of God's glory. His Glory is what we lack, according to a literal reading of Romans 3:23, and His Glory is what the Christian ought to be striving after, according to 2 Corinthians 3:18. Without this perspective, I observe (and you can too) that Christians' attention is turned to rules in many circles. I mean, endless discussion about rules. Some say Christians should be more strict in some area, and some say Christians should be more lax and loving. And the whole conversation centers around Christians, and the rules. I know the routine from 5 years total in Bible college. For the person seeking a more thorough and genuine Christian experience, it seemed that legalism and liberalism were the only two options. Some would angrily state that Christians ought never to drink alcohol, a prohibition the New Testament never gives, because "Christians should be different". Others would get annoyed at this, and instead, join Rob Bell in his equally unbiblical view of hell, summed up in his "provocative" statement that he was more concerned about hell on earth than eternal hell.

This is a sad, sad waste of time. The ultimate pursuit of the Christian life is God Himself, and in all His Glory. How we got so focused on ourselves, I know not, but I know that a desperation for God Himself is the answer. His holiness is the blaring element of ultimate reality that gives coherence to every doctrine; man, sin, depravity, faith, regeneration, and so on. With our weak view of His holiness we flap our gums in vain about the true meaning of Christianity, because Christianity is reconciliation to a God Whom we have been trained by way of distractions not to chase after.

I could write longer on this general topic, and I have. The particular thing I wanted to post about was the actual chasing of His glory, which I have struggled with in mind and soul. So this is a brief thought for anyone else who, like me, is chasing after glory but struggling to know what that even means.

Those who speak predominantly on the glory of God also tend to speak predominantly in abstract terms, which I believe has created an ache and a disconnect for me. What I mean is, I know that knowing and beholding the glory of God should be the source of my ultimate victory over various sins, yet I meander in the same handful of sins over and over. And so when I talk about the transforming power of the glory of God, I speak of something that is true, and an idea that I love, yet one that I am somehow failing to let empower me, day-to-day. So if I dare force this idea on anyone, it makes me a bit of a liar or a quack.

It occurred to me that I am missing out on experiencing the glory of God, because I am thinking of this pursuit in abstract terms. Granted, God is beyond us. But His glory is seen not only in the starry expanse that covers us at night but in the goodness of His ways. I mean the way He would have us live. I mean loving and forgiving each other. I mean staying faithful, both physically and in one's heart, to one's spouse. I mean giving freely to those in need, with a loose grip on one's possessions.

To break it down even further, for Kurt to overcome lust, he is to fight with not only an awareness of God's radiance but a love for marriage, and all it stands for, and how joyous it can be. I must see God's glory reflected not only in stars and mountains and oceans and planets, but in the exclusivity and love of human marriage. I must see God's glory in the keyboard I type this blog with. I must see God's glory in every practical and real thing, and in the way of life illuminated for us in the Gospels and epistles. That is (one aspect of) what it means to truly pursue the beauty and majesty of God in this life. And the ball is rolling.

Entry #21 - Sin

It's ugly. It's painful. It steals innocence. It has consequences. It causes nothing but death and destruction. Look around you! You can debate and scoff about the Bible and what it says, but the truth is: IT IS TRUTH. The book of Proverbs warns against the foolish, and urges us to pursue wisdom and virtue, lest there be severe consequences. "These men lie in wait for their own blood; they waylay only themselves!" -Proverbs 1:18. I guarantee you that every sin ever committed has not come without a fallout. Trust me. The world's saying "what goes around comes around" stems from what the Bible calls reaping and sowing. You reap what you sow. "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." -Psalm 126:5  To me, that is a promise that my God sees every tear I cry, every hurt I've had, every wrong that's ever been done to me. He hears my prayer and sees my heart. He promises restoration and redemption. I don't need man's approval. I don't need validation. The only truth I need to know is that God is my Healer. Protector. Comforter. Defender. And that I will never find a love as true and as unconditional as His. You should try Him out sometime. All it takes is a yes.

Entry #20 - A thought on theology

Theology is a funny thing. Everything in theology is coherent and unified through the one simple fact of the goodness of God; and the basic human problem of depravity dulls our hearts to the goodness of God. This means that theology is unlike anything else, in that it becomes incoherent and impossible to live out without a work by God on our hearts. Without that awake-ness in our hearts, all the facts and figures of theology are distorted to accommodate the flesh. Conversely, knowing and loving God more, and being awakened to His glory, illuminates His Word in ways that background studies, word studies, and careful exegesis alone simply never could.

Entry #19 - Even in Grief

  ..."and had John beheaded in the prison...When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." -Matt. 14:10-14

  Even in his grief, Jesus still ministered. He went away by himself, to be alone and the crowds still followed him. Probably not having any idea what he was going through, or what had happened. They just wanted to be healed. They were almost selfishly focused on their issues. Yet it says that Jesus had compassion on them, and healed their sick.

  How many times have we been so wrapped up in our issues or problems that we’ve missed opportunities to minister to the sick and dying in this world?

Entry #18 - Desire Him

Oh, how every desire betrays me--except the desire for Him. How life becomes a lifeless exercise, and hope becomes a deranged, naked homeless man frantically lurking the city at night, and the heart is mummified, when other desires creep up and demand that they become fixtures in me. How simple things become when no other desire holds me. How daring and confident my heart is when it celebrates Him. How every desire betrays me, but my desire for Him.

God grant that we may desire Him and only Him.