Entry #19 - Even in Grief

  ..."and had John beheaded in the prison...When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." -Matt. 14:10-14

  Even in his grief, Jesus still ministered. He went away by himself, to be alone and the crowds still followed him. Probably not having any idea what he was going through, or what had happened. They just wanted to be healed. They were almost selfishly focused on their issues. Yet it says that Jesus had compassion on them, and healed their sick.

  How many times have we been so wrapped up in our issues or problems that we’ve missed opportunities to minister to the sick and dying in this world?

Entry #18 - Desire Him

Oh, how every desire betrays me--except the desire for Him. How life becomes a lifeless exercise, and hope becomes a deranged, naked homeless man frantically lurking the city at night, and the heart is mummified, when other desires creep up and demand that they become fixtures in me. How simple things become when no other desire holds me. How daring and confident my heart is when it celebrates Him. How every desire betrays me, but my desire for Him.

God grant that we may desire Him and only Him.

Entry #17- Tables and the Temple

"Then Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out the merchants from their stalls. He told them, 'The Scriptures declare, "My Temple will be a place of prayer," but you have turned it into a den of thieves.'"

Those words leapt out at me tonight.

What an ironic scene: the Prince of Peace overturning tables and dismantling displays, throwing everyone off guard with his conviction to preserve what God has set apart.

Christ shows his love for the Church and his love for God in this moment.

For the Church, he shows his desire for an unaltered space, sanctified for communication and worship of God, that is not distracted or tainted in any way.

For God, he shows a core reverence that says God is to be the center of all things and His glory is not to be diminished.

It's what Christ does when He enters the Temple now. He overturns all earthly tables that glitter and shine, all unworthy distractions that commit thievery in our hearts to make way for a perfect and holy path to pray to God.

May Jesus enter into our Temples, our bodies, and overturn the distracting merchant tables of earthly investments to clear the way for worship to take shape.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God: this is your spiritual act of worship."

Entry #16: Thoughts and Intents of the Heart

It is a sweet thought indeed: the realization that God knows our hearts.

We, as humans, can only judge what we can see. We are utterly limited to the bindings of appearances.

I once heard that we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.

Does God judge by either of those standards? or does He judge by criteria we cannot even detect, knowing the full knowledge of the past, present, and future?

Writing in my journal tonight, searching for the words to describe my current circumstances and reflections, I managed to get something out on paper to remember for years to come. Then, I stumbled upon some Oswald Chambers. ...The tears that came!

My thoughts turned to gratitude: God knows that my heart towards Him is no less sincere and passionate and eloquent than any other heart. He sees more than even I see in me.

In this world, there will always be someone better. Your record will be broken. Someone younger, newer, and fresher will replace you at the very thing you are the absolute best at.

Our God, though... Not Him. He does not put me in a category. I don't need to spend x amount more time worshiping Him in song. I don't need to go on x amount of missions trips to impress Him. He wants my heart. He wants me to be righteous, living by faith. And that is how He makes His call.

So be it!

Entry #15 - Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). This verse is so very popular, and for good reason--what person, particularly a Christian and a lover of God, would not want to go to God and find rest from his stresses? I have heard this verse everywhere, and songs and meditations based on it. Today I found out that "Be still and know that I am God" does not make up the entire verse in which it is found. Here is the full verse of Psalm 46:10--

"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"

Taken in context we see that this verse is not so much about God running His hands through our hair as we disconnect from life while sitting in His lap, as much as it is about God's restraining and sometimes vengeful power over all the armies of the world (vv. 6-9...whom or what does God tell to be still?) and His clear intent to be exalted by people throughout the world (v.10). Quite a different story, isn't it? Different attitude, different focus, different aim. So why does the full verse not appear on coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets, and in songs? Can we not take comfort in the same things in the same way as the psalmist? Do we really believe that every time we read about God's passion to be exalted, and every verse we read from Paul that ends in "to the glory of God", that it is some kind of throw-away phrase? Do we believe that the more important thing is us?

Since listening to men like John Piper and Paul Washer my eyes have been opened to God's passion for His glory as revealed in Scripture. It's astonishing how I would often gloss over these phrases and statements. Not always--I was aware of God's passion for His glory and excited about it myself--especially the revealing of that glory, whether through world evangelism or the return of Christ. What took me much longer (ultimately at the redirection of said preachers) was seeing the preeminence of this passion among all of God's passions.

The Bible's testimony of this is both uncompromising and simple. God is intent on making Himself known, and being exalted throughout the earth. And for me, this is a fortress and a refuge. A mighty fortress is our God.

Entry #14 - God... and things.

There is a point when the things you care about in your life can either be aids in your walk with Christ or deterrents. It's a hard question to ask yourself: is this possession/profession/person something that brings glory to God? Does it help me to honor Him, to thank Him for its presence and purpose in my life? Or does it distract me from Him altogether, causing me to miss the gratitude I should be giving? Everything God created is designed for the good of God's kingdom. That includes things that help us or entertain us, the talents we can enjoy and use, the careers and friendships we invest in and help grow... God's heart is pro-creativity.

So where does it all go south?

For me, it was when I forgot that God wanted to be involved. It was as though I decided to pursue this investment, and God was mutually exclusive. My God time and my thing time were two separate entities. Oftentimes, I would ask forgiveness for thinking about this thing too much, and when I was doing my thing, I would feel weird acknowledging God through it all.

Any thoughts of God pervading my thing time or changing my thing time altogether were exciting but unnerving... I wanted God to take part, in fact I wanted God to breathe through it and dwell in it because my thing time brought me happiness. Now, all I needed was for my thing time to bring me joy, as well.

And for that to happen, I knew God's presence was a prerequisite.

It's a thin line between enjoying creation and worshiping it. Make it clear to God that you want to stay on the right side, and He will help you... It might hurt, but He will help you.

Entry #13 - Wasting Time

"I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time."
--Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

When I read that statement, something resonated within me. When I think back over the years I wasn't really following God whole-heartedly, I realize that although I had plenty of friends, plenty of money, and was all-around a pretty happy person, I wasn't engaging God; I wasn't making Him part of my everyday life, and in doing so I wasn't walking in the fullness of who He created me to be. I was never depressed, wasn't doing drugs, sleeping around or enticing people to Satan-worship, but I also wasn't building the kingdom of God. Sure, I invited people to church, even sang on the worship team, but I was wasting time. I was not investing in my future, or future-minded at all.

I realize that the enemy had me right where he wanted me. I justified everything I did because it wasn't really "that bad," (like not doing drugs or something crazy), and I actually was involved at church. But there were very specific areas in my life that I would not let God touch. I didn't want to give control over... but that's a whole other blog.

My point is, what are we doing with our time?? Are we just doing the "Christian" thing, and going to church, reading our daily Bible devotions, reciting our prayer lists and staying out of "trouble"? Or are we engaging the Holy Spirit by actively pursuing His word, seeking His face, and getting on our hands and knees (and sometimes faces!) and crying out to God? I grow more in my spiritual walk when I'm consistently (just to clarify - "consistent" doesn't necessarily mean "daily") in the Word, and when I can find quit times with Jesus, than I ever do just going to church.

I regret nothing. Everything I went through made me the person I am today. And I know that God forigves and restores, but it makes me sad to think about all the lives I could have changed or influenced, and the growth I could have achieved had I been serving God whole-heartedly.

My challenge to you is to think about this: which areas of your life do you still have control? We all have at least one.